May 16, 2008

To Catch a Predator

If she’s of a certain age and never been married, she can be an easy mark for the aspiring hunter. But if she's on the prowl (or recently divorced), you do not hunt her. She hunts you.

Nighttime Hunting
The cougar is a tremendous night stalker with an acute sense of vision.
The Penthouse at The Huntley Hotel: Spectacular view attracts a weekend feeding frenzy between 9-11p. 1111 2nd Street, Santa Monica (310-393-8080)
Zinc Bar at Shade Hotel: Endorsed by Rock of Love’s very own Bret Michaels. Need you know more? 1221 N. Valley Dr., Manhattan Beach (310-546-4995)
James' Beach: The mailman of cougar hangouts, it always delivers. 60 N. Venice Blvd., Venice (310-823-5396)

Daytime Hunting
The fiercest mammal on the continent by night, the cougar is slightly more docile while the sun is shining. Use this to your advantage at the following proven hunting grounds.
Joan's on Third: Glitzy deli to the stars, best known for cupcakes and Lululemon-clad women named Cupcake. 8350 West 3rd St. (323-655-2285)
Whole Foods: Dependable cougar crossing ground, particularly at the Fiji bottled watering hole. Locations throughout the city
Bryan Kest's Power Yoga: A veritable cougar zoo. 100 aggressive cats trapped in a small, sweaty cage for two hours, emitting raw animal magnetism. 522 Santa Monica Blvd. and 1410 2nd St., Santa Monica (310-458-9510)

Big Game Hunting
Like many felines, cougars are transfixed by bright shiny objects like Breitling ando AmEx Black cards, and can detect the scent of Issey Miyake cologne from miles away. Bring these tools to the following locations to trap the biggest and baddest of cats.
Katsuya: Quality raw fish, and females with (augmented) fish lips. 11777 San Vicente Blvd., Brentwood (310-207-8744)
Mastro's Steakhouse: Piano bar music soothes this seductive beast. 246 N. Canon Dr., Beverly Hills (310-888-8782)